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74% of people surveyed say that 43% of all statistics are useless.
1st rule of marriage: If you're right, apologize fast.
3x10^5 km/sec. It's not just a good idea. It's the law.
8 of 10 Americans suffer from hemorrhoids. 2 enjoy them!
355/113 - Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation!
640k = 4480 in dog bytes.
667 -- the neighbor of the beast.
1024x768x256.... Sounds like one mean woman.
A book is like a leg, only it doesn't bleed as much if you stab it.
A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
A cat's worst enemy is a closed door.
A child is a curly, dimpled lunatic.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
A computer never forgives or forgets.
A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids and a mortgage.
A day without sunshine is like ... night.
"A feature is a bug with seniority."
A fool and his money are soon elected.
A good hacker knows all the right MOVs.
A good hot dog feeds the hand that bites it.
A good pun is its own reward.
A hand in the bush is worth two anywhere else.
A KGB keyboard has no  key.
A kind word and gun gets you more than a kind word alone.
A lie is terminological inexactitude.
A low yield atomic bomb is like being a little bit pregnant.
A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
A manager does the thing right. A leader does the right thing.
A mind is a terrible thing to taste.
A miser is hard to live with, but makes a fine ancestor.
A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
A paranoid is a man who knows a little of what's going on.
A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out.
A penny saved is 2.5 grams of zinc alloy.
A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
A shower is the halfway point between bed and world.
A signature always reveals a man's character -and sometimes even his name.
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
Abstinence is a good thing if practiced in moderation
Access denied - nah nah na nah nah!
Accordion: A bagpipe with pleats.
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
Adultery is the application of democracy to love. -- H.L. Mencken
Affirmative Action is mediocrity's answer to Darwin.
After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
After things go from bad to worse the cycle repeats.
Ah, tourism. Things to see and people to do.
Alimony is the screwing you get for the screwing you got.
All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance.
All men are created unequal. -Robert A. Heinlein
All Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
All the world's a stage. Where does the audience sit?
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegcaps awound?
"All's fair in love and war" -what a contemptible lie!
All's well that ends.
Always avoid alliteration.
Always look out for #1 and be careful not to step in #2.
Always remember to pillage before you burn!
An atheist has no invisible means of support.
An electrical engineer deals with current events.
An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications. -Robert A. Heinlein
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
Anarchy is better than no government at all.
And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
Anthropologists do it with culture.
Antonym: The opposite of the word you're searching for.
Any program that runs right is obsolete.
Anything that can go wr...+\#&\% Bus Error -- Core Dumped
Apathy Error: Don't Bother Striking Any Key.
Apes evolved from creationists.
APL is a write-only language. -- Roy Keir
Apple. When a computer with power just won't do.
Archaeologists take sedimental journeys.
Archaeology is the only profession where your future lies in ruins.
Archeologists do it with mummies.
Architecture is the art of how to waste space.
Artificial Insemination: Self-Inflicted Womb.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. - Weisert
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
Asking whether machines can think is like asking whether submarines can swim.
Assembly line workers do it over and over.
At a nude wedding everybody can see who the best man is.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Avoid the 5 o'clock rush - always leave work at noon.
Bachelor: A guy who has cheated a woman out of a divorce.
Backup Not Found. (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic.
Bacteria: Rear entrance to a cafeteria.
Bad command or filename! Go stand in the corner.
Bankers do it with interest, but pay for early withdrawal.
Barney Beefcow says ,"Eat Me!" -A public service announcement.
Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers. -- Tom Lehrer
BASIC programmers never die, they GOSUB and don't RETURN
BATHROOM HUMOR: We aim to please, could you aim too please?!
Be kind to plants--eat more herbivores.
Be spontaneous.......combust.
Become a programmer and never see the world.
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
Berserkers do it without thinking.
Bigamist: One who makes the same mistake twice.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same thing.
BIGAMY: only crime where two rites make a wrong.
Bill of Rights: Void where Prohibited by Law.
Black holes are where God is dividing by zero.
Blame Murphy when you dig at the wrong end of a rainbow.
Blessed are the censors, for they shall inhibit the earth.
Blessed are the meek, for they make great scapegoats.
Blessed are the pessimists, for they have made backups.
Bodybuilder; n.: Someone who is fit for nothing.
Boredom -- the desire for desires -- Leo Tolstoy
BorgDOS v5.0 - Assimilate Another? [Y/n]
BOSS spelled backwards is Double S-O-B.
Boy Scouts do it in the woods.
Brain damage? No thanks, I already have some.
BREKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
Bugs are sons of glitches.
Build a system a fool can use and only fools will use it.
Bureaucracy Rule #1 : Expand to fill all available resources.
Button: "If we are what we eat, I could be you by morning."
C code. C code run. Run code, run. PLEASE!
C programming means never having to say you're done.
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
Campus Crusade for Cthulhu--when you're tired of the lesser of two evils.
Captain, I need to kill someone. - Worf
Carpenters are just plane folks.
Cat: a nice animal, frequently mistaken for a meatloaf.
Cats teach that not everything in nature has a function.
Cats: Proof that eating and sleeping isn't all bad.
"CAUTION: Knife is very sharp. Keep out of children"
CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
Celibacy: most unnatural of perversions.
Change is inevitable --- except from a vending machine.
Chaste makes waste.
Chess players mate better.
Children: the most common sexually transmitted disease.
Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him.
Civilian: Out numbered 10 to 1. Military: A target rich environment.
Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
Clones are people II.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Committees do harm merely by existing. - Freeman Dyson
COMPILE ERROR 77: You learned to program in FORTRAN, didn't you?
Complex problems have easy to understand wrong answers.
Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
CONgress (n) - Opposite of PROgress
Conscience: The inner voice warning somebody is looking.
Conscience: What hurts when everything else feels so good.
Conserve Solar Energy : Turn off the sun when not in use.
Contraceptives: To be used on all conceivable occasions.
Corrugated iron is really groovy.
"Creator: a comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh." --H. L. Mencken
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
Critical Error. (S)hout, s(M)ash, or (B)uy a Mac.
Curiosity killed the cat. What the heck they got 9 lives.
Dachshund: Half a dog high by a dog and a half long.
Dancing: A vertical manifestation of a horizontal desire.
Dating: Social Anxiety.
Death - 30,000,000,000 people can't be wrong.
Death is a nonmaskable interrupt.
Delays created while you wait.
Desk: A large wastebasket with drawers and a phone.
Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Did you ever stop to think, and then forget to restart?
Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss? He elected to receive.
Difference between a virus & windows? Viruses never fail.
Digression is the better part of Valium.
Dijon vu: the feeling you've tasted this mustard before.
Dilate: What happens when you live too long.
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Do invisible cats drink evaporated milk?
Do not adjust you mind, it is reality that is malfunctioning.
"Do not be angry with me if I tell you the truth." -- Socrates
Do wizards use spell checkers?
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines.
Don't be too open-minded, your brains may slide out.
Don't drink and park; accidents cause people.
Don't get mad, just win!
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
Don't just do something, sit there!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
DOS never says EXCELLENT command or filename.
DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something...
Double your drive space! Delete Windows!
Drive not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (F)ix with a hammer.
Drow do it in the Underdark.
Dry Ice: A Carbon Dioxymoron.
Due to inflation, all clouds will now be lined with zinc.
Dyslexics against drugs, just say 'ON'!
Dyslexics of the world untie!
Earthlings! Your weapons are useful on us! All we have is this P.A.!
Eat Healthy, Exercise, and Die Anyway ...
Editing is a rewording activity.
Electricians do it until it Hertz!
Elevators smell different to midgets.
Enter any 12-digit prime number to continue.
Error reading FAT Table. Try Skinny one? (Y/N).
Error. Keyboard not found. Press any key to continue...
Error: General Protection Fault. Condom not installed.
Everybody has something to hide except for me and my squid.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. - Dykstra
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Expense Accounts, n.: Corporate food stamps.
Expensive silk ties attract spaghetti sauce.
Experience teaches you to recognize a mistake when you've made it again.
Experience: A name we give to our mistakes.
f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
Fame: Chiefly a matter of dying at the right moment.
Farfrompoopin...German word for constipation.
File not found, I'll load something *I* think is interesting.
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Find God?!? Why? Is he missing?
Firemen do it with a big hose.
First the memory goes then...I forget the rest!
Flattery: the art of telling another exactly what he thinks of himself.
Floggings will continue until morale improves.
For a real sweet time, call C6 H12 O6.
For every idiot-proof system, a new improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
Forgive your enemies, but remember their names.
Fotomat burns down ... no film at 11.
"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting."-Alan Dean Foster
Fuck your friends. Enemies won't let you get that close.
Genealogy. Tracing descent from someone who didn't.
General stupidity error reading drive C:
Geochronologists will date any old thing.
Get stoned! Drink wet cement.
Gigabytes, more desireable than Mosquitobytes.
Girl who douche with vinegar walk round with sour puss.
Give me patience. RIGHT NOW.
Go hence, and sin more creatively next time.
God created people. Samuel Colt made them all equal.
God is real, unless declared integer.
God made everything out of nothing, and it shows.
Got kleptomania? Be sure to take something for it.
Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
Growing old is mandatory - Growing up is obligatory.
Hackers have kernel knowledge.
Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
Happiness can't buy money.
Hard work never hurt anybody... but why take any chances?
Hardware: The part you kick.
hAS aNYONE sEEN mY cAPSLOCK kEY?
Have an affair. It will break up the monogamy.
Have you tried McSquared, the pure energy fast-food?
He who dies with the most of anything, is still dead.
He who hesitates is last.
He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
He who laughs last usually gets a shot in the face.
He's dead Jim. You get the tricorder, I'll get his wallet
Heck's Angels: Born to be Mild.
Heisenberg may have been right.
Heisenberg Might Have Slept Here
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
Help the police... beat yourself up.
Help. I'm trapped at 0D1C:01DA.
Hey Santa, How much for your list of NAUGHTY girls?
Hiroshima--the first city lighted by nuclear power.
History does not repeat itself, but it often rhymes. --Mark Twain
History doesn't repeat itself. Historians do.
History is a lie commonly agreed upon. - Neitzche
Honesty IS the best policy unless you're an exceptionally good liar.
Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a better defense.
How come they call them buildings if they've already been built?
How do I know anything really exists? Kick it *really* hard.
How do I set my laser printer to stun?
Human Being: An ingenious assembly of portable plumbing.
Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
Hungarian food is OK if you like dog tartare.
I am Gilligan of Borg. Rescue is irrelevant. Escape from the island is futile.
"I am Homer of Borg, prepare to be ... Mmmmmm. Donuts."
I am Ohm of Borg. Conductance is futile.
I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
I bought some dehydrated water, but I don't know what to add to it.
I bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.
I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
I came; I saw; I screwed up.
I can be decisive, I think.
I can't be overdrawn, I still have cheques.
I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet.
I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time, either.
I didn't write this; a very complex macro did.
I distinctly remember forgetting that.
I don't just tempt fate - I give it the finger.
I either want less corruption, or a chance to get in on it.
I got a fortune cookie that said "You like Chinese food".
I have a new "User Surly" computer...
I have a vitally important role serving as a bad example.
I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
I just got pulled over by the LAPD, and boy am I beat!
I like the word 'indolence'. It makes my laziness seem classy. -Bern Williams
I like to torture my plants by watering them with ice cubes.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
I never nake misteakes.
I prefer foolish over wicked. The foolish sometimes rest.
I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I think ... therefore I am obviously overqualified.
"I think not," said Descartes, and promptly disappeared.
I think, therefore, I am single.
I think... I think it's in my basement... Let me go upstairs and check. -Escher
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not sure.
I want American food, damnit, I want French Fries.
"I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman." -- Dan Quayle
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.
I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
I wish Adam had died with all his ribs in his body.
I wish life had scroll back - with cut and paste.
I wouldn't touch the Imperial measuring system with a 3.048m pole.
"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."
I'd never join any club that would have the likes of me as a member.
I'll deal with today tomorrow.
I'll have to think twice about it before I give it a second thought.
I'll never forget what's-his-name.
I'm a paranoid schizophrenic! I'm after me!
I'm always, more or less, exact and precise.
I'm exploring myself right now...HEY! What's this?
I'm having an out of money experience.
I'm miserable without you, it's like having you here.
I'm not a man, I'm vaginally-disadvantaged.
I'm not crazy...I just have a unique sense of reality.
I'm still an atheist, thank God -- Luis Bunuel
I'm tolerant of your fruitcake-like beliefs.
I'm with you all the way, at least until the cops arrive.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
I've never liked morticians, all they want is my body.
I've told you for the fifty-thousandth time, stop exaggerating.
I'ze Popeye of Borg. Yuse kin prepare'z to be askimilgrated!
IBM Typing Method: See DOC# 1221-3122213-22 ppg 192-1634.
IBM: It may be slow, but it's hard to use.
If a tree fell on the florist, would he make any sound?
If at first you don't succeed, call it a beta version.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence you tried.
If at first you don't succeed, go work for Microsoft.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If hardware overheats, does it turn into software?
If I can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
If ignorance isn't bliss, I don't know what is.
If it appeals to everyone, evangelists will target it.
If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion.
If it doesn't work, change the documentation.
If it was easy, the hardware people would take care of it.
If love is blind, lingerie makes great Braille.
If man was intended to fly it would be easier to get to the airport.
"If people ate what they killed, there would be NO MORE WARS!"
If sex is a pain in the butt, you're doing it wrong.
If the shoe fits, it's not government issue.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If this were a real emergency, you would be dead by now.
If Windows sucked it would be good for something.
If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything.
"If you can't dazzle them with style, riddle them with bullets."
"If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good." - B Gates
If you can't speak softly, just use the stick.
If you catch an exploding manhole cover, you can keep it.
If you melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
If you sit around anywhere long enough, you'll die.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
Ignorance is temporary; stupidity is forever.
Ignorance is the Mother of Adventure.
Ikea : Swedish for long line-ups.
Illegal aliens are an American problem. Ask any Indian.
Illiterate? Write for free help.
Imagine a goat. It's like that, only different...
In 20 years there will be radio stations playing classic rap.
In case of atomic attack, prayer in schools will be OK.
In heaven all the interesting people are missing.
In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.
In the beginning there was nothing...which exploded.
Inflation is a result of legalized counterfeiting.
Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.
Is it okay to yell 'MOVIE' in a crowded firehouse?
Is OS/2 only half an operating system?
Is that Windows or is that just an XT?
"It happens sometimes. People just explode. Natural causes."
It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
It is better to copulate than never.
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
It said "Insert disk #3", but only two will fit!
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
It's all fun and games until someone loses a testicle, then its a sport.
It's always darkest right before you step on the cat.
It's amazing how mature wisdom resembles being too tired.
It's not a bug, it's a hidden and seldom used feature.
It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
It's not fire retardant, it's "thermally challenged".
It's not the fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop.
It's okay to laugh in the bedroom, but don't point.
Its not a first strike. Its a pre-emptive counter-attack.
"James, I've decided to commit suicide. Drive over that cliff."
Jello can be violent in the wrong hands...
Jesus saves sinners...and redeems them for VALUABLE PRIZES!
Join the Army, Meet interesting people, and Kill Them.
Junk - stuff we throw away. Stuff - junk we keep.
Jury: A group chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
Keyboard: Device used to enter errors into the computer.
"Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack."
Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions. -Henry N. Camp
Knowing Murphy's law won't help either.
Lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on my part.
Language: A system of organizing and defining syntax errors.
Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Lawnboy? Pff! MY lawnmower is a flame thrower.
Lawyers do it in their briefs.
Lawyers: the larval form of politicians.
Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired.
Lemmings don't grow older, they just die.
Let he who has no stones cast the first sin.
Life has a lot of undocumented features.
Life is complex. It has real and imaginary parts.
Life is full of little surprises. - Pandora
Life is like......an analogy.
Life is sexually transmitted, and terminal...
Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
Linda Lovelace and Jim Henson in: I'VE GOT A FROG IN MY THROAT.
Live Long and Perspire.
Long computations that yield zero are probably all for naught.
LOOP, ENDLESS (n) : see ENDLESS LOOP.
Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is physics.
Love means having to say you're sorry every 5 minutes.
Love thy neighbor ... just never get caught.
Mac screen error message: "Like, dude, something went wrong."
Machine-independent program: Will not run on any machine.
Macintosh: Computer with training wheels you can't remove.
Malice is merely stupidity raised to a higher power.
Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.
Mankind is naturally evil, society inhibits it.
Mankind is naturally good, society corrupts it.
Manuals: Never has so much been so confused by so many.
Many a family tree needs trimming.
Marketing is simply sales with a college education.
Mars in 1980s: USSR, 2 tries, 2 failures; USA, 0 tries.
Mary had a little lamb -- The doctor was very surprised.
"Maturity is knowing when and where to be immature."
McBorgs - Over one billion assimilated!
Meets quality standards: Compiles without errors.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
MIPS: Meaningless Indicator of Processor Speed.
Monarchs are acceptable - but I draw the line at rulers.
Money can't buy happiness, but allows a choice of misery.
Money is the root of all wealth.
Money won't buy happiness, but it will get a dinner date.
Money won't buy happiness, but it's a great down payment.
Monotheism is a gift from the gods
Mosquito: Designed by God to make flies seem better.
Mr. O'Brien, energize. Hey! Where'd that pink rabbit come from?
Multitaskers do it Everywhere: Concurrently!
Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once.
Murphy's law only fails when you try to demonstrate it.
My hands feel numb...Hey! Who cut off my arms?
My Karma ran over your Dogma
My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship ...
My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.
My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.
Nature abhors second order differential equations.
Networks - computing method of shared blame.
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry.
Never allow a computer to know you're in a hurry.
Never call a man a fool; borrow from him.
Never hit a guy with glasses. Always use your fists.
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
"Never test for a bug you don't know how to fix."
Never test for a condition you don't know how to handle.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. -Robert A. Heinlein
Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
New Chinese Travel Slogan: We'll toss another dissident on the barbie!
Nice computers don't go down.
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
"No, I said Bud Light!" - Captain of the Hindenburg
Nobody has ever learned all of WordPerfect.
Not a slob; a victim of a dysfunctional wastebasket.
Not breaking the rules, just testing their elasticity.
Not dead, just 'people of special metabolism'.
Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
Nuns do it out of habit.
Obscenity exists to shock the elderly.
Obscenity is the crutch of the inarticulate motherfucker.
Obscenity is whatever gives a judge an erection.
"Oh, yeah! My dad can damn yours to eternal torment!" -young Jesus.
"OK guys, let me down. I was only kidding." -Jesus, on the cross.
Old age and treachery will beat youth and enthusiasm.
Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
"Once," adverb: Enough.
One man's magic is another man's engineering. Supernatural is a null word.
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh. -Robert A. Heinlein
Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible. -Escher
Ouch...I caught my floppy in my PKZipper.
Our program, who art in memory, EXE be thy name...
Part-time musicians are semiconductors.
Patriotism: Willingness to kill or die for trivial reasons.
Pedestrian: The most approachable chap in the world.
Pedestrians come in two types: Quick or Dead.
People have one thing in common: they are all different.
Perot/Bush/Quayle: The Millionaire, the Skipper & Gilligan
"Petting zoo? I thought this was a Killing and Corpse Raping Zoo..."
Photographers do it in the dark.
Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots.
Please return stewardess to original upright position.
Politicians do it with everyone.
Politics: Poly=Many, Tics=Blood sucking parasites.
Posterity is a very long time.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat.
Practice good mirth control, use a conundrum.
Praise: What you receive when you are no longer alive.
Pray for the success of atheism.
Predestination was doomed from the start.
Press all the keys at once to continue...
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Press any key... NO! NOT THAT ONE!
Pretend to spank me - I'm a pseudo-masochist.
Prices subject to change according to customers attitude.
Procrastinate now!
Profanity, the language computerists know.
Programmers do it with their fingers.
Programming with goto's is like swatting flies with a sledgehammer.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Prostitute: Someone who sleeps using the Buddy System.
Prostitution is Sex+Free Enterprise. Which don't you like?
Prune: A plum that has seen better days.
Psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd.
Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel.
Quantum mechanics: the dreams stuff is made of.
race car spelled backwards is race car.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Raise your IQ-- eat gifted children.
Real Programmers confuse Christmas and Halloween because OCT 31 = DEC 25.
Real programs don't eat cache.
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle Science Fiction.
REALITY.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot universe? (Y/N)
Red meat isn't bad. Fuzzy blue-green meat is bad!
Red supergiant seeks white dwarf for binary relationship.
Remember folks. Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.
Remember the good old days, when CPU was singular?
Remember, two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
Romulans are so ruthless because every day is a bad hair day.
Rotisserie: a Ferris wheel for chickens.
Russian Express Card motto: Don't leave home.
Save energy: be apathetic.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
Scuba divers do it deeper.
Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.
Seen on T-shirts at NASA: WILL BUILD SPACE STATION FOR FOOD.
SENILE.COM found... Out Of Memory.
Seven Deadly Sins: All the good stuff in a short list.
Sex in a Volkswagen = Farfergnookie.
Sexy women are nature's way of saying 'keep it up!'
Shareware? Reminds me of a girl in my high school.
Shell to DOS ... Come in DOS ... Do you copy?
Sick Pay: Ill-gotten gains.
Since she won't live forever, why give her a diamond?
Sir! Romulan Warbird decloaking 2+O :|.25+b- NO CARRIER
Skier: Someone who pays an arm and a leg to break them.
Skydiving - Good to the last drop.
Sleep is a poor substitute for caffeine.
SLEEP.COM *** Process interrupted. Kill intruder (Y/N)?
SMARTDRV installed. It's your data that's stupid.
Smokey the Bear says: Strip mining prevents forest fires.
SMOREPLAY: What Smurfs do before they smuck.
Snails' pace: .00758 mph.
Sorry, a fatal error has occurred. You're dead.
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? [yep/nope]
Staring competition: Medusa-18901 Opponents-0
Status Quo--Latin for the mess we're in.
STOP GUINEA PIG RAPE! What part of "SQUEAK!" don't you get?
"Stop talking while I'm trying to interrupt!"
Strike any user when ready.
Suicidal twin kills brother by mistake.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
Support DAM - Mothers Against Dyslexia
Support safe housing; use condos.
Sure, drinking kills brain cells, but only the weak ones.
SYSTEM ERROR: press F13 to continue.
System halted - Press any key to do nothing.
Take 2 CH3COOC6H4COOH'S and call me in the morning.
TANSTAAFL - There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch.
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed. -Robert A. Heinlein
Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
Television proves people will look at anything except each other.
"Tell the Truth and run."--Yugoslav proverb
"That's entertainment," - Vlad the Impaler.
The 4 Basic Food Groups: Ice Cream, Pizza, Coke and Women.
The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
The best way to accelerate a Mac? 9.8 m/s/s.
The Boy Scouts is like the army with adult supervision.
The buck doesn't even slow down here.
The difference between sex and lust is inconsequential.
The employer generally gets the employees he deserves. -Walter Bilbey
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
The greatest productive force is human selfishness. -Robert A. Heinlein
The lottery is just a tax on people who are bad at math.
The man who invented the eraser had the human race pretty well sized up.
The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
The most useless computer tasks are the most fun to do.
The music's kinda nice. My compliments to the clef.
The nice thing about kleptomania is that you can take something for it.
The only time I open my mouth is to change feet.
The only winner of the War of 1812 was Tschaikovsky.
The other day I went to the stationery store...but it had moved.
The plural of "luck" is "skill".
The problem is not if machines think, but if people do.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The second most preposterous notion is that copulation is inherently sinful.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
The sky is falling ... no, I'm tipping over backwards.
The solution to a problem changes the problem.
"The Stealth Condom - they'll never see you coming."
The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.
The ultimate in courage? Two cannibals having oral sex.
The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle.
The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out.
There are two rules for success: 1) Never tell everything you know.
There go my people. I must follow for I am their leader.
There is always a law against doing anything interesting.
There is more to life than increasing its speed.
There is more to life than making it go faster.
Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
They call television a medium. That is because it is neither rare nor well done.
"They're directly beneath us, Moriarty. Release the piano!"
Thieves do it in leather.
Thieves do it under cover.
Think 'honk' if you're a telepath.
This line is umop apisdn.
This statement is false.
Those on the cutting edge bleed a lot.
Those who can't write, write manuals.
Those who fail to understand hyperbole may lose their asymptotes.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
To Err is Human, to forgive is not Company Policy.
To Err is Human; to blame it on someone else is politics.
To Err is Human; with blondes it's mandatory.
To iterate is human; to recurse, divine. -- Robert Heller
To join boldly infinitives which no man has joined before.
Tomorrow is another day, but it'll suck too.
Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
Tonight's forecast: dark, followed by light.
True friends always stab you in the front.
Trust everybody ... then cut the cards.
University is a fountain of Knowledge... and the students are there to drink.
UNIX: The Operating System that makes you go Hmmm...
Vampire Error: vert, eflect, mpale
Vatican upholds ban on contraceptives: "To heir is humane", says the Pope.
Vic's Discount Mortuary -- We won't charge you an arm and a leg.
Vicars do it with amazing grace.
VIOLATORS WILL BE TOAD! - Dungeon Police
"Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
Void where prohibited (That's a statement, not an order).
Wanted: Schrodinger's Cat -Dead or Alive.
War, what is it good for? Experience points!
Warning. Trespassers may be horribly mutilated.
WARNING: This product not intended for use by stupid people.
Was Jimi Hendrix's modem a Purple Hayes?
"Watch out where the huskies go, don't you eat that yellow snow." -Frank Zappa
"We come from two different worlds - mine has toothpaste and soap"
We died and brought our sins back with us...and they're pissed. -Flatliners
"We don't care. We don't have to. We're the Phone Company."
We have a DEFENSE department that has a first strike capability?
We should go metric every inch of the way!
We've replaced the Dilithium with new Folger's Crystals.
Welcome to Hell...Here's your accordion.
Welcome to Mars! Your passport and visa, comrade?
Wench: What you use to turn the head of a dolt.
What do you mean, you formatted the dog?
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
What if they held national condom week and nobody came?
What is the output of a vacuum pump?
What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
What's another word for thesaurus?
What's better... 5.25" floppy or 3.5" hard?
When a cow laughs, does milk come out its nose?
When agnostics die, do they go to the Great Perhaps?
When all else fails, read the directions.
When I want your opinion, I'll read your entrails.
When in doubt, use brute force.
When in Trouble, And in Doubt, Run in Circles, Scream and Shout.
When things go wrong, just don't go with them.
When you pull the pin on Mr Grenade, he is no longer your friend.
When you swim in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!
Who needs rhetorical questions?
Why can't women remember to put the seat back up?
Why did CNN cancel that cool "Desert Storm" show?
Why do they call them apart-ments when they're all stuck together?
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
Why is the alphabet in that order?
Why is the word 'Abbreviation' so long?
Why isn't phonetically spelled that way?
Why use a big, long word when a diminutive one will do?
Will your answer to this question be in the negative?
WindowError:00C Memory hog error. More ram needed. More! More!
Windows 3.1 - The XT Emulator for the 486.
Windows isn't crippleware -It's "Functionally Challenged".
Windows: From the people who bought you EDLIN!
Winning isn't everything, but then losing is nothing.
WOMAN.ZIP: Great program. No docs, but fun to unZIP.
Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
You always find something in the last place you look.
You are better off not knowing how sausages and laws are made.
You are in a maze of twisty subroutines, all alike.
You are what you beat.
"You can't have everything -- where would you put it?"
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
You know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
You live and you learn. Or you don't live long.
You must believe in free-will; there is no choice.
You people are so apathetic. Then again, who cares?
You're either part of the solution or part of the precipitate.
You're schizophrenic? Gee, that makes four of us.
Zoophiles enjoy a good piece of tail!